he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
