Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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