I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dignity is for republicans.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
