I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
