i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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