He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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