Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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