guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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