so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
