his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
