he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
