she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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