I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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