so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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