Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
