Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
