how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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