i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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