She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
