Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
