when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize