Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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