Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
