Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
