Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize