dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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