If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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