just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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