i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
