just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
