shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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