good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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