remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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