Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
