WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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