i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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