She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Text me some of your sweat
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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