I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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