the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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