I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
