I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
