the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
