apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
