I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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