it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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