im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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