Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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