Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
