tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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