His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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