I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
