Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
