or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
