I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
