He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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