More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
