you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
