And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
