Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
