I hate your face
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
