dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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