he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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