Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
