you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
