So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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