Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
