Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
