I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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