Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Still dying that you shit outside
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
