I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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