**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
