I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
