i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.