you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail