If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.