Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"