oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.