Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
