Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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