a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
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