So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i love accidental penises.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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