Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I believe in your delicious
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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