totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
